There is not doubt, dishonesty hurts all parties involved. Whether the truth is known or not, a lie hurts when it is told, even when it is a lie of omission. So what makes a person lie or not reveal the truth? Avoiding conflict with peers is one of the top motivators for deception. For instance, the lie you tell your boss when you are late to work because you slept in, the lie a student tells when he says the dog ate his homework, the lie you tell your friend when she asks if her dress makes her look fat, or even the lie someone tells when asked their age or her weight. These type of lies are designed to avoid getting the brunt edge of someone else's disappointment for hearing the truth, which leads us to the subject of how we lie to avoid letting others know that we lack confidence.
According to Psychologist Robert Feldman, self-esteem is one of the biggest culprits in our lying ways: "We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels." The farther a person gets from their ideal self, the more likely they are to lie in order to boost themselves up to avoid feeling like a failure in life, as well as being the recipient of the disapproval of others. When these kind of lies are told early on in an intimate relationship, in the effort to appear a more desirable companion, it can eventually affect the long term potential of that relationship. Individuals with low self-esteem who only look at getting past the initial stage of courtship by creating the image they want the object of their affection to see are not considering the outcome of those lies when they are discovered, thereby sabotaging the relationship. Feeling betrayed by the loss of the relationship. they put the blame on their partner and avoid facing the truth that it was their own dishonesty which caused the breakup in the first place. Nevertheless, lying is a complex phenomenon that affects all parties involved.
So who is God and how can someone lie or be false to God if they don't believe? Many have questioned whether there is a an all powerful, all seeing God or not, especially when it seems the world is so unfair and unjust. One of the most common questions asked today is, "How could God allow this to happen to me?"
It isn't possible to truly understand God or God's purpose in our existence, but it IS possible to understand certain basic principals that God has set in place for us. One of the most important things to learn is the principal of "Free Agency" and the part it plays in all of our lives here on Earth. Simply put, we have the freedom to choose what we think, the words we say, how we feel, and our actions. These are the only things we can control in our lives. We can't control other people, we can't control our government, and we can't control what we experience when we set foot outside our door. In some cases, there are those who don't even have control over what happens in their own home, because they live with others. When others are in our midst, we are subject to their free agency as well. When people lie or act in dishonest ways it inevitably affects us in negative ways, causing us to feel our trust has been betrayed.
Pathological liars are probably the most insidious liars of all because the stories told are not entirely improbable and often have some element of truth. These lies aren't provoked by an immediate situation or social pressure as much as it is an innate trait of their personality, and the stories told tend toward presenting the pathological liar favorably. In some cases, they may even genuinely believe that these fictitious events have taken place, presenting as what is called false memory syndrome. Pathological lying is considered a mental illness, because it takes over
rational judgment, progressing into the fantasy world and back. Excessive lying is a common symptom of several mental illnesses, on the other hand, pathological lying can be described as an addiction to lying.
Another form of lying I would like to cover in this article is one that many have heard of, but may not know the exact nature or behavioral symptoms of those who suffer from it. However, this particular form of lying is one that I feel is very common amongst parents who abuse and/or neglect their children. Münchausen syndrome is a condition where those affected fabricate a disease, illness, or psychological trauma to draw attention or sympathy to themselves, perceiving it as a form of comfort and validation that they are important. In some extreme cases, people suffering from Münchausen's syndrome are highly knowledgeable about the practice of medicine and are able to produce symptoms that result in lengthy and costly medical analysis, prolonged hospital stay and unnecessary operations. The role of "patient" is a familiar and comforting one, and it fills a psychological need in people with
Münchausen's. It is distinct from Hypochondriasis
in that patients with Münchausen's are aware that they are
exaggerating, while sufferers of Hypochondriasis believe, even fear that they actually
have a disease. Closely related is Münchausen syndrome by proxy which refers to the abuse of another person, typically a child, in order to seek attention or sympathy for the abuser. The 1994 movie "A Child's Cry for Help," this particular form of the disease is explored when a Doctor begins to believe that one of her patients (Tobey Maguire of Spiderman) is actually the victim of an abusive mother.
You cant hide your lying eyes, or can you? Some say you can tell if a person is lying simply by whether they look to the left or the right when they are talking to you, however, it isn't quite that easy. The eyes do a wide variety of things when a person is lying, depending on what it is they are lying about, and whether it was a pre-fabricated story or fabricated spontaneously at the moment. To find out more about how the eyes reveal dishonesty, take a look at the chart provided by readingVisual Accessing Cues - "Lying Eyes" If you would like to learn more about how to tell when someone is lying, Mark Adams also gives us some helpful information in his Online Guide to busting liars.
There is no doubt that lying hurts. so how do we deal with it, once the lies have been told? How can we find peace out of the potential chaos that comes with the lies? Scott Edinger of Forbes Magazine, who writes articles about strategy, leadership, and sales effectiveness, offers us some advice. In one of his articles he discusses Four Steps to Deal With Dishonest People
“It is not only by dint of lying to others, but also of lying to ourselves, that we cease to notice that we are lying.” ~ Marcel Proust
According to Psychologist Robert Feldman, self-esteem is one of the biggest culprits in our lying ways: "We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels." The farther a person gets from their ideal self, the more likely they are to lie in order to boost themselves up to avoid feeling like a failure in life, as well as being the recipient of the disapproval of others. When these kind of lies are told early on in an intimate relationship, in the effort to appear a more desirable companion, it can eventually affect the long term potential of that relationship. Individuals with low self-esteem who only look at getting past the initial stage of courtship by creating the image they want the object of their affection to see are not considering the outcome of those lies when they are discovered, thereby sabotaging the relationship. Feeling betrayed by the loss of the relationship. they put the blame on their partner and avoid facing the truth that it was their own dishonesty which caused the breakup in the first place. Nevertheless, lying is a complex phenomenon that affects all parties involved.Romans 12:3
For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
So who is God and how can someone lie or be false to God if they don't believe? Many have questioned whether there is a an all powerful, all seeing God or not, especially when it seems the world is so unfair and unjust. One of the most common questions asked today is, "How could God allow this to happen to me?"
It isn't possible to truly understand God or God's purpose in our existence, but it IS possible to understand certain basic principals that God has set in place for us. One of the most important things to learn is the principal of "Free Agency" and the part it plays in all of our lives here on Earth. Simply put, we have the freedom to choose what we think, the words we say, how we feel, and our actions. These are the only things we can control in our lives. We can't control other people, we can't control our government, and we can't control what we experience when we set foot outside our door. In some cases, there are those who don't even have control over what happens in their own home, because they live with others. When others are in our midst, we are subject to their free agency as well. When people lie or act in dishonest ways it inevitably affects us in negative ways, causing us to feel our trust has been betrayed.“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” ~ Plato
Another form of lying I would like to cover in this article is one that many have heard of, but may not know the exact nature or behavioral symptoms of those who suffer from it. However, this particular form of lying is one that I feel is very common amongst parents who abuse and/or neglect their children. Münchausen syndrome is a condition where those affected fabricate a disease, illness, or psychological trauma to draw attention or sympathy to themselves, perceiving it as a form of comfort and validation that they are important. In some extreme cases, people suffering from Münchausen's syndrome are highly knowledgeable about the practice of medicine and are able to produce symptoms that result in lengthy and costly medical analysis, prolonged hospital stay and unnecessary operations. The role of "patient" is a familiar and comforting one, and it fills a psychological need in people with
Münchausen's. It is distinct from Hypochondriasis
in that patients with Münchausen's are aware that they are
exaggerating, while sufferers of Hypochondriasis believe, even fear that they actually
have a disease. Closely related is Münchausen syndrome by proxy which refers to the abuse of another person, typically a child, in order to seek attention or sympathy for the abuser. The 1994 movie "A Child's Cry for Help," this particular form of the disease is explored when a Doctor begins to believe that one of her patients (Tobey Maguire of Spiderman) is actually the victim of an abusive mother. You cant hide your lying eyes, or can you? Some say you can tell if a person is lying simply by whether they look to the left or the right when they are talking to you, however, it isn't quite that easy. The eyes do a wide variety of things when a person is lying, depending on what it is they are lying about, and whether it was a pre-fabricated story or fabricated spontaneously at the moment. To find out more about how the eyes reveal dishonesty, take a look at the chart provided by readingVisual Accessing Cues - "Lying Eyes" If you would like to learn more about how to tell when someone is lying, Mark Adams also gives us some helpful information in his Online Guide to busting liars.
There is no doubt that lying hurts. so how do we deal with it, once the lies have been told? How can we find peace out of the potential chaos that comes with the lies? Scott Edinger of Forbes Magazine, who writes articles about strategy, leadership, and sales effectiveness, offers us some advice. In one of his articles he discusses Four Steps to Deal With Dishonest People1. Understand the impact it has on you.In a perfect world everyone would be honest with each other and fear would not be a motivator to be dishonest, but we don't live in a perfect world do we. So we each have a choice when it comes to lies... You can let it eat at you and control you, or you can move ahead with strength.The bottom line is, YOU have the choice!
2. Confront the behavior.
3. Take action to address the impact.
4. Move Forward.
Quote Your Soul © 2012
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